How to Support Your Adult Children Without Enabling Them

Where to draw the line between helping and holding them back financially.

Have you ever found yourself helping your son or daughter—just trying to get them through a tough season—only to realize the support has quietly stretched on far longer than you expected?

It’s incredibly common. Clients will lean in when I ask how the family’s doing and say something like, “Our son/daughter/grandchild is going through a rough patch, so we’ve decided to help them out a bit.”

And I get it. As parents, we want to show up, offer support, and make life just a little easier. But in my practice, I see this all the time—what starts as short-term help can easily become a long-term pattern that ends up holding their children back more than lifting them up.

So in this month’s blog, I want to talk about a sometimes sensitive—but incredibly important—conversation: how to support your adult children, and even grandchildren, in a way that empowers them… rather than unintentionally enabling them.

Because those of us who are parents know—parenting doesn’t stop when your child turns 18. And in today’s economic environment, helping your adult children can feel like the loving, responsible thing to do. Rising housing costs, student debt, and a tricky job market have made it more common than ever for adult kids to rely on their parents for support.

But there’s a fine line between support and enabling—and crossing that line can quietly create challenges for both of you down the road.

Let’s talk about how to support your grown kids without becoming their lifelong financial safety net.

Start with Boundaries—Not a Blank Check

One of my clients, a couple in their late 60s, had been financially supporting their 30-something daughter for nearly a decade. Rent, car insurance, even vacations. It started as a short-term solution—but years later, they were dipping into their retirement accounts to “help.” This isn’t uncommon. In fact, I’ve seen this scenario play out so often that I now bring it up proactively during planning meetings.

If your adult child is living at home or receiving long-term support, it’s important to:

• Create a financial agreement. Whether it’s contributing to groceries or paying a modest rent, having some skin in the game encourages responsibility.
• Define a timeline. Support should come with an expiration date—or at least a check-in date. Set goals: employment, savings milestones, or a realistic move-out plan.
• Outline household responsibilities. Living rent-free doesn’t mean living responsibility-free. Expect participation in chores and adult-level contributions.

Living at Home Isn’t the Problem—Lack of Expectations Is

Boomerang kids (those moving back in post-college or post-life reset) are more common than ever. And I get it—sometimes it’s necessary. But that temporary season needs structure to avoid becoming permanent.

Instead of seeing it as a setback, use this time to teach financial independence:

• Budgeting: Help them map out income vs. expenses and understand the “needs vs. wants” mindset.
• Debt Repayment: If they’re swimming in credit card or student loan debt, work together to set a repayment plan. High-interest debt should go first.
• Saving: Encourage them to save for future housing, emergencies, or long-term goals. Teach them the power of compounding early.

One of my clients recently told her son, “You can live here while you save for your own place—but you need to show me your budget each month.” And guess what? He not only moved out within the year, he had a three-month emergency fund in place when he did.

Loving Them Enough to Let Go

Here’s the hard truth: Constantly rescuing adult children from their financial missteps can prevent them from developing the confidence and resilience they need to stand on their own.

Supporting isn’t the problem—rescuer mode is. The difference is whether you’re teaching them to fish… or just handing them the fish every time they’re hungry.

You don’t have to stop being generous. But you should be wise. You can offer help with expectations. Generosity can coexist with boundaries. And trust me, your child will be better for it in the long run.

Final Thoughts

Helping your adult children navigate a tough economy is an act of love. But it works best when paired with accountability, structure, and mutual respect. You’re not just protecting your own financial future—you’re empowering theirs.

Any opinions are those of the author, are subject to change without notice and are not necessarily those of Raymond James. This material is being provided for information purposes only and is not a recommendation. Investing involves risk and investors may incur a profit or a loss regardless of strategy selected.